


The Side of the Road

by Bandersnap



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Desperation, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Omorashi, Tony Stark Needs To Pee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:36:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24570121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandersnap/pseuds/Bandersnap
Summary: Tony and Steve in a car.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	The Side of the Road

Tony and Steve sat in an empty field, observing their private jet burst into flames. 

Tony threw his hands in the air. “Great! We’re stranded. This is why we don’t like to let you fly planes.” 

While Steve did have bad track record for flying planes, the crash had nothing to do with his skills as a pilot and everything to do with faulty equipment that was not made by Tony or Stark Industries. 

“Relax Tony. We’re in a rural area, not the desert. I’m sure if we walk along this road we’ll find someone who can help us get home.” Steve said as he extended a hand to Tony to help him off the ground. 

They only had to walk five minutes before they found a gas station that doubled as a bait shop. A man wearing a worn out tank top was smoking outside his car while filling it up with gas. It was somehow hotter inside the gas station than outside and it smelled like dog food and dirt, probably because of all of the bait. The walls were lined with fishing rods and flags. There was a ginger sitting at the cash register. Her name tag read Debby. Steve approached the woman while Tony walked around the store.

“Excuse me ma’am, is there a phone that we can use around here?” Steve asked the Debby.

“I’m afraid not. The reception out here is no good and that old wall phone hasn’t worked since the 90s.” Debby pointed at a bright red phone that was hanging next to a bumper sticker display. It had a curly wire a number pad. This was truly the town that time forgot. 

Tony then dropped a handful of items by the cash register, two waters, a coke, and a map. A crashed plane was not going to keep him from getting his caffeine fix. Debby didn’t even react when she read the name Tony Stark on the credit card. Of course she had never heard of him. That felt pretty on brand for the town. 

Tony and Steve walked into the parking lot to look at the map. Apparently they were in a small town in Georgia. “I have a cabin in Fairborn that’s like two hours from here. Let’s just go there, call someone to bring us back to New York, and sleep on expensive matrices for the night.” 

Steve looked at Tony incredulously. “How are we going to get there? I know you’re not about to walk for two hours.” Steve tried to imagine that. It would just be Tony complaining about how he was tired the whole time. 

“Oh I meant two hours by car.” Tony clarified. 

“We don’t have a car.”  
Tony looked around for a moment and his eyes settled on the dude who was smoking. “How much for your car?”

The dude let out a puff of smoke. “Five hundred.”

“Deal.” That was basically chump change. Tony pulled out his wallet and handed the man $500 in cash. The dude reached into his pocket and handed Tony some keys. “Now we do.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’m driving,” he said.

Tony tossed him the keys. “Fine with me.”

They started driving the worn out truck down the only road in sight. There were only trees and a farm every once in a while to look at. The radio only played an annoying static sound because the antenna on the hood was broken and there were no CDs in the car. It was more boring than having to sit through a debriefing after a mission. Halfway through the drive, Tony had consumed the coke and one of the waters out of boredom and he was starting to need to pee. With nothing to do but look at trees, it was all he could focus on. It was like he could feel his bladder filling. It was time to break the silence. 

“I have to pee.”

“Why didn’t you go at the gas station? It had a perfectly good bathroom,” Steve said without missing a beat. 

Tony glared at the muscular dumb blonde. “I did, but now I have to go again. Not everyone can gain a bladder of steal from performance enhancing drugs,” Tony said with a little bit of bite. 

Steve let it slide. “Check the map. Maybe we can find another gas station.”

Tony was sure he wasn’t going to find anything. They had been on the same road for an hour and had only passed max two stores of any kind. “No I’ll just whip it out on the side of the road. It’s not a big deal. Plus the nearest gas station is probably far away.”

“Tony that’s illegal. What if someone sees you?” 

“There is no one on this road. The last sign of civilization that we passed was like a mile away. The chances of me getting caught are next to nothing.” 

“I know, but still…” Steve trailed off.

Tony rolled his eyes. “I forgot that you’re literally incapable not being perfect. I bet you would spontaneously combust.”

Steve thought about it and decided that they might be able to reach the next city and find a bathroom there. He figured they were only about 30 minutes away, but judging by Tony’s increasing temper, that was probably too long of a wait. “Do you really have to go that bad?” He asked. 

“Yes! That’s what happens when you consume a lot of liquids. I know the schools sucked in the 20s, but this is concerning.” Tony shot back.

“Why are you being so harsh? ” Steve asked as if he didn’t already know why. 

“I don’t know Steve. Maybe it’s because I have to take a leak but you’re too stubborn to break one tiny law.” Tony knew he was being a little mean, but he really needed to pee and Steve was also being a bit of a dick.

“Okay fine, I’ll pull over…” Steve looked around. “Once we get past these houses.”

Tony groaned. “Great! Now we’re in a more populated area. If we had just stopped when I first said to-“

“Ya know, you’re really being a drama queen right now.”

“And you’re really being an ass right now. Have some sympathy”

“Look, we’re back in a wooded area,” Steve said just in time to avoid Tony going off on him some more. 

“Finally.” Tony hopped out of the car and almost ran to the side of the road. He had no intentions of ruining his Armani suit, not that it really mattered. Urine was a lot easier to get out of clothes than other things that he had stained his suits with before and he could easily buy another suit. He unzipped his fly and began to spray down a tree. In his haste, he did not notice Steve getting out of the car at first. Tony was oddly unsurprised. He knew Steve wasn’t that much of a goody goody. No one who has killed people can say they’re above peeing on the side of the road because it’s illegal.

When they got back in the car, Tony decided he couldn’t not address what just happened. He loved being right too much. “See, we didn’t get caught. Also what happened to not doing illegal things?”

“I had to prove that I won’t combust.” Steve said with a smirk. 

“Yeah, right.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had an allergic reaction at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep until my throat opened all the way so I decided to write to pass the time. It's still swollen as I'm posting this and it hurts to yawn. Please leave a comment because I'm craving social interactions. Also I didn't proof read this. Now that I'm totally done with exams and school I plan on posting a lot more. Idk if that will actually happen but I'm gonna try.


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